By any other name would smell

Remember when I ranted about a fake Fred joining DC United? Well, for several weeks now, the Galaxy have done them one better. Alex, Juninho and Leonardo are going to bring a little samba flavor to look, I'm sorry, can we or they seriously take a minute or two to come up with new names?

Okay, no one's going to think that the AC Milan coach is back in the United States to hunt down and finish off Tab Ramos. But there's also a Leonardo at NAC Breda, one at Shakhtar, one at AEK, and God knows how many more.

It's actually almost plausible that the Galaxy got the Juninho from Boro, or the one from Lyon, but this is another one.

I already had trouble keeping the Alexes straight. Hey, the Galaxy did have a partnership with Chelsea, it COULD have been one of the famous ones.

I don't care how cultural it is. I don't care who it's a tribute to. I don't care how few last names there are in Portuguese. The Screen Actors Guild makes people come up with unique names – that's why Michael J. Fox had to be Michael J. Fox, instead of Michael Fox.

I mean, you can't trot out some three-legged beanbag out to the track and call him "Affirmed," for God's sake. So why are soccer fans given less consideration than the toothless reprobates blowing their Social Security checks on their gambling addictions?

Oh, sorry, sport of kings, that's right, I forgot.

If they can't come up with names on their own, and they're ashamed of the ones their parents gave them, then get R. Lee Ermey out there to call them "Joker" and "Gomer Pyle."

Between the Sol, the "lockout" scare, the Sampson/Wynalda/Harkes nonsense, the "NASL," and now these guys, there has been way too much flammery and jive-turkeyism of late. Don Garber should do something about it.

….except he's all hip and now and today, according to Soccernet, so I'm sure he's too busy partying it up with the cast of "The Jersey Hills" or whatever it is you young people are watching these days.

Well, you want to know what tattooed, cigar-smoking trendsetters I consider "hip"? THE MEN WHO TOOK IWO JIMA, that's who! And the trend they set was FREEDOM! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Yes, actually, I am proud of this post. It's February, I don't give a honeymoon ******** about the Super Bowl, and I have a "Crap that has nothing to do with anything" label for a reason. So how's your week going?