EU ‘Secret Santa’ list discovered

A guide to Brussels stocking-stuffers.

’Twas the week before Christmas and all through the EU, not a Eurocrat was stirring from Schuman to Madou…

Official Brussels may have gone largely dormant for the holiday season, but that doesn’t mean nothing’s going on. Far from it, it seems the political elves have been busy…

POLITICO has obtained a draft set of North Pole Council conclusions indicating a roadmap to a proposal under the EU’s “Secret Santa Directive.” If all EU institutions agree to the controversial plan, gifts will be automatically redistributed among political figures based on who has been naughty and who has been nice.

Here’s who is getting what under the EU Christmas tree:

From: Jean-Claude Juncker

To: Martin Selmayr

A “World’s Best Boss” coffee mug

From: Viktor Orbán

To: Jean-Claude Juncker

“The Wall,” special edition Pink Floyd CD box set.

From: Alexis Tsipras

To: Christine Lagarde

A €40 savings bond from the National Bank of Greece.

From: Angela Merkel

To: Matteo Renzi

A Lego Friends “Hot Air Balloon” set

From: François Hollande

To: Nicolas Sarkozy

An engraved Marine Le Pen and pencil set.

From: Vladimir Putin

To: Donald Trump

An “I’m With Putin →” t-shirt

From: Guy Verhofstadt

To: Nigel Farage

Book: “In The SpotLight, Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking and Performing,” by Janet E. Esposito.

From: Angela Merkel

To: Recep Tayyip Erdoğan

A lifetime supply of Turkey.

From: Martin Schulz

To: Martin Schulz

Another term as European Parliament president. Who says you can’t give something to yourself?

From: Donald Tusk

To: David Cameron

Four gift “baskets.” But instead of EU reforms these baskets will include weird Scandinavian cookies, bath soaps, herbal infusions and pork jerky.

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From: Margrethe Vestager

To: Gazprom board of directors

Hand-knitted “Monopoly” earmuffs.

From: Miguel Arias Cañete

To: Poland

A lump of coal. The most Santa-like of commissioners may intend this to be a punishment, but he forgets one thing: Poland loves coal!