‘My soulmate.’ ‘The one.’ ‘Bae.’ ‘My forever valentine.’ ‘My Kareena Kapoor Khan.’

You might call it something else but you know exactly what I am talking about: an ever-difficult to find and equally difficult to attain romantic partner who will finally complete you.

This person isn’t someone you get along really well with. Not someone who is merely a “good-match.” This is the person you were born to meet, fall in love with and live happily ever after with.

Whatever other purpose your lives may have, whatever little victories you may have enjoyed, the greatest thing you’ll achieve is finding your soulmate. If only you could find that one person…

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I am here to tell you to stop looking. Your soulmate doesn’t exist and searching for one will result in two sure short outcomes: first, you’ll drive yourself absolutely crazy and second, you’ll attract heartbreak. Here’s why:

1. You need to love yourself first

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Wanting a relationship is natural. Wanting love and romance doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. But if you are living with the assumption that there’s only one person who you are meant to be with or this soulmate of yours will complete you, then I am sorry but you aren’t giving yourself enough credit. You are already a whole person. Your life shouldn’t be a quest to find the perfect partner but to live a life you are proud of.

Yes, love is amazing and it deserves to be yours. But if you think you are incomplete without it, then you are shutting down all the other ways you could enrich your life. So love yourself & seek out adventures- love will happen when you least expect it.

2. It’s never just ‘fate.’

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There are billions of people in the world and most of them find each other by chance.

Imagine this scenario: you forgot your phone at the restaurant and go back to retrieve it and end up meeting the person you’ll marry because they were seated at the table after you. You’ll spend your entire life together all because of your inability to keep your phone with you at all times. The choice of a different restaurant or simply not forgetting your phone and your path would have been entirely different.

It’s tempting to see this as ‘fate’ but the idea that the entire universe orchestrated this entire situation for your personal happiness is just bizarre. You meet someone by chance, you connect and end up falling in love. If you meet someone and you don’t connect that’s okay too. Just be okay to the idea of falling in love and things not working out. It’s all your charm that attracts another and certainly not your fate.

3. Your soulmate doesn’t have to be perfect.

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Yes, nobody is perfect including your soulmate.

Every single person has a limitless world of thoughts, beliefs, emotions and experiences that shape them. Two people are never going to look at one thing in the exact same way and that’s why it seems unlikely that two different individuals are so well-matched that all of those qualities would align like the stars. And that’s okay.

Love is often about being able to work through the ways you’re imperfect for each other.

4. Stop being with someone just because you think they are your soulmate. They probably don’t deserve you.
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You are with someone right now and for whatever reason you sometimes feel that you can do much better or you deserve to be treated with more respect. If these feelings persist for long then please walk out of this relationship no matter how perfectly you both get along. If you’re totally focused on getting back with the one who’s ‘meant’ for you, you’ll overlook opportunities for greater happiness.

5. Soulmates don’t always have to be lovers.

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The idea of a soulmate is not just limited to romance but if you are really lucky you can find your soulmate in a best friend and, for me, that friendship will be way more rewarding. Soulmates who are friends don’t have always expect you to be perfect. A friend who’s also a soulmate just needs to understand you, have your back, and keep the promise that they will be around forever. And that is more than enough. Partners may come and go but friendships will reign supreme, always.

Believing in soulmates can be a comforting thought for a lot of people especially those who have found themselves in disappointing relationships. You can spend hours, days or even years looking for your soulmate but at the end of the day you must live for yourself.

If you can get past this ‘finding my soulmate’ mentality, you will be more focused on making positive changes in yourself and your life. After all, why waste so much energy in finding a soulmate, when you could focus all that attention and effort on becoming a person that someone someday would love to love.

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