Late-night hosts focused on Trump’s surrogates, including treasury secretary Steven Mnuchin, education secretary Betsy DeVos and attorney general William Barr.

Stephen Colbert: ‘Of course Trump is lying in that tweet’

On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert opened with the stock market being down 400 points, advising his audience to invest in other things, “like potable water, sheep, or flame-throwing guitars.”

The stock market, it turns out, is being affected by Trump’s tweets as the president tries to escalate a trade war with China. Trump insists rising tariffs will not affect the American consumer – something Colbert said was a lie.

“Of course, Trump is lying in that tweet. And this is how you know: he’s the one saying it.” China responded to Trump’s threats by saying: “Do not even think about it”. Colbert assured Beijing: “No worries there. He does not think.”

He then discussed inactivity in Washington. “On Thursday, attorney general William Barr did not appear before the House judiciary committee, where he did not have to answer questions about all the things he did not disclose about the Mueller report, which did not exonerate the president.”

He summarized the current status of Washington this way: “So, in short, we have a functioning democracy. Not.”

But the situation has since escalated after the committee subpoenaed the records of former White House counsel Don McGahn, who has been ordered by the White House not to comply. Colbert noted that this seemed like an act of fear, telling his audience: “You know the old saying: if you don’t have anything nice to say, you probably worked for Donald Trump.”

Trump has also refused to release his tax records, having his surrogate, Steve Mnuchin, the treasury secretary, decline to turn them over. “So far, the only thing Trump isn’t covering up is just around his eyes,” said the host, referring to the poor concealer job Trump constantly sports. House Democrats have every right to request the records, Colbert said, but Mnuchin has said the reason isn’t legitimate.

Colbert joked about the constitution: “All legislative powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States … unless some doofus of Steve doesn’t like it.”

Seth Meyers: ‘Like Hulk doing affirmations in the mirror’

On Late Night, Seth Meyers fired off a slew of one-liners about goings-on in Washington. On Tuesday, Melania Trump’s Be Best campaign celebrated its first anniversary, Meyers said, “[which] means they’ve gone a whole year without realizing it should be called Be the Best.”

He continued: “Be Best sounds like the Hulk doing affirmations in the mirror.”

Meyers also poked fun at Trump’s attempt to stay in power. Trump retweeted a post suggesting he should add two years to his term. Meyers joked: “And to make up for the time he spent playing golf, he’ll need at least an additional decade.”

On the Met Gala, he mentioned singer Katy Perry, who changed from her red-carpet chandelier outfit into a hamburger costume. Meyers supposed it would excite Trump. Imitating Trump, he said: “‘Oh my God. It’s the perfect woman.’”

Meyers closed his monologue with a final joke about Starbucks and its white clientele. “Starbucks will be offering reusable cold-drink cups this summer that will change color. Their customers on the other hand, won’t.”

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Trevor Noah: ‘She’s telling them to protest during sex’

The Daily Show’s Trevor Noah also focused on the refusal of the White House and its surrogates to comply with congressional orders. Calling Steven Mnuchin a “grown-up McLovin’”, Noah compared Congress’s reasonable request to Trump’s arbitrary declaring of a national emergency: “It’s the same way a president can declare at the border just to get his wall.”

Impersonating Trump, Noah went on: “He can just be like, ‘Folks, these Mexicans, so dangerous, some of them can even come back from the dead into our land. I saw it in a documentary called Coco.’”

But Noah closed his monologue by taking aim at at education secretary Betsy DeVos, who has asked teachers who are protesting for smaller classes and higher pay to strike during “adult time”.

He responded: “It sounds like she’s telling them to protest during sex.”